Refined and Fly

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Peace! Today's degree in the Supreme Alphabet is love, hell or right. As I was up thinking this morning, I was focusing on how some relationships between men and women start off with love, descend into hell, and may or may not turn out right. This is largely due to the lack of understanding people have for each other. As I travled through my own specific history BEFORE I got knowledge of self, I reflected upon some of my experiences in relationships and other relationships I've seen. In relationships, sometimes we are easily led in the wrong direction and hard to be lead in the right direction, which can produce re-occuring experiences of chaos or "hell."

Before I got knowledge of self, I learned some interesting lessons that I have now put into perspective and can share with others now that I am headed in the right direction. These points are based off some life situations in the past and relationships I've seen played out by others. And don't be gettin all paranoid with your mate askin' them all kinds of questions after you read this either! These are just things to keep in mind and work on if you need to. So,don't be mad at me...this is for the ultimate benefit and success of the Black Family and is not directed to or about anyone in particular...

1. Do not underestimate what a woman will or will not do when she is pushed over the edge or unhappy. She does have a breaking point that you may or may not be aware of when it happens. In these cases, it is possible that she will do what you think she would never do.

2. Do not ask questions where you are not prepared to hear the answer. Do not ask a question because you are looking for a specific answer that you want confirmed (i.e.Asking "Do I still look good in this dress," if you've gained 100 pounds and self-esteem is a little low and need some positive may not get the answer you want) Ask a question if you truly don't know the answer and open yourself up for whatever answer you may recieve...otherwise, your mate will be tempted to lie to you to make you feel good in the moment or keep the peace, and you won't really get what you want anyway.

3. In that vein, do your best to avoid "Catch 22" questions. These are questions that are akward for your mate to answer honestly, and usually, the root of someone asking is that they want to be told what they want to hear and not the truth, i.e. "Would you ever cheat on me,"...or "If you cheated on me, would you tell me?" Of course, you want to hear "no," so a person may be tempted to tell you what you want to hear instead of the truth, which may be, "I don't know or maybe."

4. If you are physically, mentally, or emotionally abusing your woman, if you haven't completely destroyed her self-concept,once she starts feelin herself, she will leave you.

5. If you do not think your woman's comfort, peace of mind and happiness is important, and disregard these things, her eyes may eventually wander toward someone who is more attentive to her needs. Someone may pop up that at least appears to be all that you are not. She may not tell you and you may never find out.

6. Give each other a little space sometimes! Do things on your own or with your babies or with your brothers or with your sisters. Develop your own interests. This will keep up the level of excitement cuz you will be bringing new things to build about and appreciate to the relationship. You should be learning things from each other, not just feeling warm and fuzzy cuz she's cute and he dresses nice.

7. As my God says, "A happy woman is a productive woman."

8. Do not get caught up in the "honeymoon phase" of the relationship. The first couple months is always great cuz for the most part, ya'll are still getting to know each other and everybody's putting their best face forward. And sometimes, people straight up "send their representatives" as Chris Rock so eloquently stated. Do not be fooled. You cannot say that you truly know someone after a couple weeks. You know what they are choosing to show you. You probably have to live with somebody to truly know who they are in totality. If someone shows even small signs that they are crazy or imbalanced, that is the real "them" peaking out.

9. Communication is key. If a person doesn't know, they are left to assume, and could be assuming the wrong thing!

10. If you "cheat" on a woman, or consistently "cheat," do not be fooled into thinking she will never cheat on you because she loves you so much. Do not abuse her loyalty. Some sistas will take your behavior as justification to be able to "do her thing."

11. Do not assume that the dynamic of being attracted to other people or thinking about other people while in a relationship is relegated to men only. Women do it too, they are just better at hiding it.

12. Know who you're with! For example, if you're with a player/ playette, accept it or reject it cuz most likely, that ain't gon' change no matter how funky you're keepin everything. You must understand what they are made of and how they were made. If you get played, it may not have nothin to do with what you are or are not doing...that just may be their inclination that they are choosing not to suppress.

13. Take responsibility if you mess up with whatever situation it may be. Nobody makes you do somethin you don't wanna always have a choice no matter how tempting your situation is or no matter how much you're tryin to please someone else. Have the discipline to resist if you don't wanna get caught up or take the consequence of your action like a man or woman. You'll be respected more in the end, instead of comin up with obvious excuses. Whatever it is, think "Is this really worth it?" first! If it ain't, don't do it. If it is, do what ya gotta do and accept the consequences.

14. "No strings attached" is an illusion. There are always strings. And if it's the wrong person, you may never be able to get rid of those strings. Those strings may turn into ropes that bind. Do not be fooled!

15. If you're choosing to be a "homie, lover, friend," be warned...somebody always wants more eventually and someone will always catch feelings. If you're serious about no strings, be painfully honest in the beginning so there can be no misinterpretations about the relationship. You do not want a stalker that shows up at your home or job cuz they thought ya'll had a future and you didn't. Do not be fooled!

16. You cannot save or change somebody. You can only give them the tools to save themselves. If they choose not to, don't be mad, they just couldn't get with the program. Some people can put on a real good show for a real long time, but they're still the same, and if you wait long enough or if the wrong situation happens, that other side will come out in full force. By then, it might be too late!

17. Keep it funky in all areas! Do not let yourself go! If you're with somebody for a while, boredom can set in which can lead to wandering thoughts and eyes. Do something a little unexpected sometimes to keep things fresh. Try to break up the monotony when you can.
18. Do not fall into the trap of "someone new" always equalling somethin good, better or long lasting. They're just different. Eventually, the new gets old and you'll be faced with a new person with a different set of problems. You cannot escape another person's baggage and everybody's got a bag! Some people have closets!

19. Set up the rules and regulations of that cipher as soon as possible. Discuss your expectations, contributions, and shared responsibilities. Have a talk, make a list, do whatever you gotta do. This will not happen by osmosis. Everyone has different roles to play and contributions to make cuz we are not the same. If you are letting everything just fall into place, you are gambling, and could waste a lot of time. You might have the talk, and see that you aren't right for each other, versus spending 10 years of trying to figure it out and come to the conclusion that it ain't gon work anyway.

20. Be honest with yourself about where you're at and where you wanna be. If the two don't match, you may have some serious thinking and explaining to do. Don't waste years months and days if you know it's not gonna work. If you're unsure, or are just going through a rough patch, try to work it out. Don't make the call prematurely. Otherwise, if you're absolutely sure, make the decision and open yourself up for some "you" time or the possibility of someone, not better than that person, but better for you.
I Medina Peaceful Earth


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