CLUB ETIQUETTE
Peace! Just to lighten the mood a little, I had to post this cuz it's hilarious but true. Heed these words club hoppers!
CLUB ETIQUETTE 101 by Karlie Hustle (www.myspace.com/karliehustle)
1. Don't leave the house without gum.
2. If you leave the house without gum, don't open your mouth until you reach your vehicle post-club. People don't want to smell your stank liquor/cigarette breath. Gross.
3. If you don't know how to hold your liquor, don't drink much. A history of blacking out, making out with people you don't know, and waking up on a sidewalk with a cocktail napkin stuck to your arm are all symptoms that you can't handle an adult club outing. You have two options: stay home or taper off on the booze.
4. If you go somewhere knowing you're going to be drinking and knowing your baby daddy/mama or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend will be in attendance, and you haven't yet made peace with the situation, you're not that bright. Not only is the outlook for a good time slim to none, after a few drinks, you'll likely make an ass of yourself by confronting them and/or a person they are dancing/drinking with. You will look a hot mess, cause a major spectacle, and be the head float of fellow club goers shit parades. Don't fuck up a decent time for other people because you have emotional problems. Just stay home and take some pills or something til you're over it.
5. Fellas, if you're interested in a female, try to make eye contact with her. If she sees you once and doesn't continue eye contact with you after, she's not interested. Don't force the issue.
6. Fellas, if you decide against my advice noted in point #5 and force the issue, don't call the woman a bitch because she blows you off. Call yourself a dummy for trying to twist her arm. Women choose men. Not the other way around. It's nature. Don't fuck with nature, or you'll be the dick in the club that hollers at everything walking and the one we complain about in the bathroom like "God! Why won't that dude in the black hat get a clue!?!"
7. Ladies, if you're going to drink yourself under the table, for God's sake don't wear a short skirt. The whole club seeing your cooter as you're getting manhandled on the dance floor by some dude that looks like Craig Mack's cousin is a bad look.
8. If you want to act a fool and start shit because you're bored, you have problems with your inner child and should seek counseling. Only people with major issues resort to violence when someone accidentally bumps into their drink in a packed club. If you're first instinct is to yell and wild out or make bodily threats in the event of a total accident, you don't belong in a crowded place at all. Another place to avoid for people like you is Wal-Mart on a Sunday.
9. Going out requires a shower and the use of an iron and some form of wardrobe discretion. If you look like you just got off the sofa after three days of strep throat, that's the reason why women aren't returning your lustful gazes. Get your hygiene game up.
10. If you buy a drink for someone, that doesn't mean they owe you anything other than a thank you. A 10-minute conversation full of "so, shawty, you lookin kinda thick" and "what's yo man got ta to wit me" type shit is not mandatory for the receiver of the beverage. If you don't get a convo out of it, take it as a good deed done and move on. It's a club. Having any kind of expectation past getting drunk is a launching pad for disappointment.
Peace! Just to lighten the mood a little, I had to post this cuz it's hilarious but true. Heed these words club hoppers!
CLUB ETIQUETTE 101 by Karlie Hustle (www.myspace.com/karliehustle)
1. Don't leave the house without gum.
2. If you leave the house without gum, don't open your mouth until you reach your vehicle post-club. People don't want to smell your stank liquor/cigarette breath. Gross.
3. If you don't know how to hold your liquor, don't drink much. A history of blacking out, making out with people you don't know, and waking up on a sidewalk with a cocktail napkin stuck to your arm are all symptoms that you can't handle an adult club outing. You have two options: stay home or taper off on the booze.
4. If you go somewhere knowing you're going to be drinking and knowing your baby daddy/mama or ex-boyfriend/girlfriend will be in attendance, and you haven't yet made peace with the situation, you're not that bright. Not only is the outlook for a good time slim to none, after a few drinks, you'll likely make an ass of yourself by confronting them and/or a person they are dancing/drinking with. You will look a hot mess, cause a major spectacle, and be the head float of fellow club goers shit parades. Don't fuck up a decent time for other people because you have emotional problems. Just stay home and take some pills or something til you're over it.
5. Fellas, if you're interested in a female, try to make eye contact with her. If she sees you once and doesn't continue eye contact with you after, she's not interested. Don't force the issue.
6. Fellas, if you decide against my advice noted in point #5 and force the issue, don't call the woman a bitch because she blows you off. Call yourself a dummy for trying to twist her arm. Women choose men. Not the other way around. It's nature. Don't fuck with nature, or you'll be the dick in the club that hollers at everything walking and the one we complain about in the bathroom like "God! Why won't that dude in the black hat get a clue!?!"
7. Ladies, if you're going to drink yourself under the table, for God's sake don't wear a short skirt. The whole club seeing your cooter as you're getting manhandled on the dance floor by some dude that looks like Craig Mack's cousin is a bad look.
8. If you want to act a fool and start shit because you're bored, you have problems with your inner child and should seek counseling. Only people with major issues resort to violence when someone accidentally bumps into their drink in a packed club. If you're first instinct is to yell and wild out or make bodily threats in the event of a total accident, you don't belong in a crowded place at all. Another place to avoid for people like you is Wal-Mart on a Sunday.
9. Going out requires a shower and the use of an iron and some form of wardrobe discretion. If you look like you just got off the sofa after three days of strep throat, that's the reason why women aren't returning your lustful gazes. Get your hygiene game up.
10. If you buy a drink for someone, that doesn't mean they owe you anything other than a thank you. A 10-minute conversation full of "so, shawty, you lookin kinda thick" and "what's yo man got ta to wit me" type shit is not mandatory for the receiver of the beverage. If you don't get a convo out of it, take it as a good deed done and move on. It's a club. Having any kind of expectation past getting drunk is a launching pad for disappointment.
posted by I Medina Peaceful Earth @ 8:25 AM
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